How far will i go?

Read the whole Twilight series in 2 weeks time.

I was obsessed with the series not becoz of the story. The story is so so from my perspective ( i guess i would pissed so many people off). It's just a single line of love story between Bella, Edward and Jacob Black. I can't put my hands off it thou. Coz as long as it's a magical novel with vampires, zombies, werewolves, wizards... i would be happy to read it.

I guess this book would be targeting teenagers or young adult, an age group that i would no longer be in... All the love elements are so pure, so passionate and so amazing that i wonder if this would really ever exist in this world. Maybe it does exist, just that I would never be able to meet one, coz i could feel no more. flattened affect, flattened emotion. Kind of pathological eh? I think so too. Or maybe it does, just that after all these years, i just don't see the possibility. Just like old man never believes that yound could life their life becoz they are "experienced".

A love story between vampire and human being. Human being are too ordinary, so i adore the vampires more. Edward Cullen was cute, but i adore Alice Cullen more. I like the way she thinks, i like the way she lives... When i was reading, i wonder if i would ever meet my Edward Cullen in life. I never fantasized myself being Bella Swan, but edward cullen is just too perfect. With all his knowledge + his appearance, i wonder if i could resists it. But then Edward would be too perfect for me. I would be like nothing in front of him... And guess what? i am never attractive... that's the biggest problem.

I don't really like Jacob Black in the first place. I hate him bugging around Bella and edward. or maybe i hate him becoz i know he could kill edward. But then, i realise that I'd love to a Jacob Black in my life. When I was reading the bits on Edward left Bella and how Bella feels, i felt the same pain in my chest. It's like a very important part had been torn away from u. You could hardly breathe, hardly think. At times, i wonder if i would be able to recover from that gigantic wound. I wonder if i would ever get out of this mess. At times, i wish there would be a person like Jacob Black would just be there, ask nothing, give no suggestion and make me smile from my heart. I know so well that friends are around, they are happy to accept me. The problem is, i hate myself being so weak, i don't accept myself for not being tough enough. so i tried frantically hide myself, hoping that no one would ever know how weak i am. I indulged myself with work, just to forget about how useless i am.

Will I ever meet my Edward cullen? how abt jacob black? How far would i go hiding? how far would i go doing things that are psychological suicidal? How far would i go just to find someone like them? How far would I go before i could stop inflicitng pain to myself? at one point, i love pain, becoz i know i am still living. at the other, i just hate it becoz i know i am a person of no bottom line.

The question is... HOW FAR WOULD I GO??? HOW FAR COULD I GO?